Wide Awake in Dreamland!

This could qualify as the strangest dream I've ever had.

The other night, I dreamed I was Hillary Clinton's second husband (?!?)  I was kidnapped at gunpoint by a comedy troupe on the order of the Capitol Steps or SNL's crew,  to provide statements that would be quoted out of context about Hillary in order to be funny.  The kidnappers were dressed like stereotypical Secret Service agents -- black sunglasses, trench coats, very real guns. I was taken to a room with a lot of other folks, including Madeleine Albright, and eventually, Bill Clinton. Later, I found myself unharmed, back out on the streets of whatever unknown city I was in.

Since the Cafe is a strictly nonpartisan place, we'll skip any kind of political analysis. And since it raises some really scary possibilities, we'll definitely skip any kind of Freudian analysis too.  Geez, I've gotta stop flipping between CNN and "24" reruns right before I go to bed ...

Peace, love and German engineering!

Attention Retailers:

I understand your desire to invoke the spirit of the 1960s in some of your advertising and store promotion signs.  What better way to denote free-spirited originality than to co-opt some of the symbols of that turbulent generation, right?  Sorta like how you play "classic rock" in the store? Especially if you're trying to attract postmodern millennials and their Gen Y brethren, yes? A little irony, like a little sarcasm, goes a long way.

Fine, I can live with that.  The medium is the mess, so to speak.

But pay attention here. This will be on your final exam, if only in a karmic sense:

THIS site shows an example of a peace symbol. Notice how many points it has?  That's right, FOUR.

Now THIS one shows a Mercedes Benz star logo.  How many points does the Mercedes star have? THREE.

Contrary to popular belief, these two symbols are NOT interchangeable! One straight line makes all the difference in the world.  If you're insist on invoking the peace symbol to sell overpriced clothing made in third-world sweatshops, at least get it right. Failing that, pay the Mercedes folks a royalty, slap a three-pointed star on the back pocket and triple the price.

Bond. James Bond.

For men of a certain age, the James Bond 007 films are iconic. Urbane, witty, well-dressed, and powerful, Bond was a role model. Why?

For his drinking habits? No. (Although to this day, I prefer my Diet Coke shaken, not stirred. Wish he'd warned me about the dry cleaning bills.)

For his fearless derring-do? Well, maybe, in a Cowboys-and-Indians kind of way.

For his success with beautiful, scantily-clad women with double-entendre names? No. (We noticed that part later.)

No, what made James Bond a hero to millions of boys growing up in the 1960s and '70s was the gadgets. All the cool stuff that Q came up with to keep Bond in the loop, on target and out of the bad guys' clutches was what made him worth watching.

So I can't help wondering what the fictional Bond -- the icy-cool essence of all things sophisticated and technologically hip -- would make of today's wired world.

I propose that we've all become James Bond. After all, it's now possible to carry a phone in your pocket. The shoe phone of another famous secret agent, Maxwell Smart, is a reality after all.

For that matter, it's possible to carry a smartphone (no relation to Agent 86) that has more computing power -- in your shirt pocket or purse -- than the room-sized machines NASA used to send men to the moon.

Camera phones can surreptitiously take pictures in a resolution Bond couldn't dream of, and we don't have to wait to get the film processed. Portable GPS units track our every move, and can pinpoint where we are at any time.

Then there's the fact that I'm currently sitting in a coffee shop in Florida typing this into a computer that's hardly larger than a steno pad. It weighs about 2.5 pounds. Its 8.9 inch screen shows me any Web site I care to visit. It has wi-fi access to let me post this, a built-in webcam and a 160-gigabyte hard drive. If I download Skype, I can talk to anyone in the world.

It cost $300. No, that's not a typo.

Between the hardware and sites such as Facebook, MySpace and Twitter, we can be in constant contact with friends and acquaintances at any time, anywhere.

Maybe it's time to update that classic exchange between Bond and Goldfinger:

"Do you expect me to talk?"

"No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to TWEET."

Truly, we live in amazing times. Now if we could just get the Aston-Martin DB5, complete with the ejector seat and those really cool machine guns behind the headlights ...

Back to the Aerie ... and a New Bird Rising

So no Eagles in the Final Four this year.  Morehead State lost Friday by 20 points to Louisville, no surprise. 

Time to switch allegiance to my OTHER Kentucky team.  See, when you grow up in the Bluegrass State, college basketball is a religion.  It doesn't matter which college you actually attend, or even if you do.  But almost from the time you're born, you're expected to declare your loyalty to the Blue (the University of Kentucky Wildcats) or the Red (University of Louisville Cardinals).  The two sides get along just about as well as Catholics and Protestants in Northern Ireland did before the peace agreement.  

Me, I'm the family heretic, so:

GO CARDINALS!

Light of Day

OK, so American wasn't Cinderella this year.  In the end, Villanova was just too strong.  But my Eagles still played a great game, and I'll bet they shocked a lot of folks who expected a blowout.  Eagle pride, baby! 

On to the other flock (yes, I do know eagles don't flock, but work with me here on the metaphor).  Morehead State plays Louisville tonight, and once again, things don't look promising.  But as AU came to the brink of greatness last night, maybe it's Morehead State's turn.  We're still looking for Cinderella, and who could be more deserving of a glass slipper than 16th-seeded MSU if they can knock off the top-rated team in the tournament?

One more time:

GO EAGLES!

BELIEVE!

Thursday night, 8:30 p.m.  Start of the second half -- AMERICAN LEADS VILLANOVA by 14, at 45-31!  Do you believe in miracles?

GO EAGLES!

Soaring Eagles!

OK, now life gets interesting for my beloved Eagles.  

American U. made the NCAA tournament last week with a 15-point win over Holy Cross.  That means they get to play Villanova in what amounts to a home game for the suburban Philadelphia-based school on Thursday.

Morehead State won its play-in game against Alabama State on Tuesday, guaranteeing my undergrad alma mater a chance to play the tournament's No. 1 seed, Louisville,  on Friday.

Incidentally, one Alabama State player has what may be the most wonderful name of all time -- Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims  ..... (wait for it) ... Jr.

But wait, it gets better.  According to the St. Pete Times, his last name is pronounced:

KIK' -een-stal' -yun-sy-ems

SIX syllables for the price of five!  How cool is that?

Back to the game.  I'll grant you, things don't look promising for either flock of Eagles at the moment.  Villanova's a powerhouse, playing 20 miles from their home campus (whose bright idea was THAT?) Louisville may well be the best team in the country this year.  So the odds favor Eagle wings being clipped by Friday night.

But I can't help remembering another tournament matchup that didn't look promising either.  It was expected to be a walkover, a coronation of the defending champions. To win, the underdogs would have to play a nearly perfect game.

And that's what they did, shooting 78.6 percent for the game, 90 percent in the second half.  They won 66-64, in one of the greatest upsets in sports history.

That team was Villanova, in the 1985 championship game against Georgetown. 

So at this point, anything is possible.  Keep the faith, Eagles fans.  Right now, we're still soaring.

GO EAGLES!